Frerard Psychotic - 20 xoxo

"I don't think I'll ever be that strong, Frankie." If he had whispered it could not have been quieter. As Gerard leant against the side of Frank's wardrobe, silently watching the boy change, he ground his fingernails down further, fighting the rising sensation of defeat in his stomach.

Frank did not enquire as to what Gerard was talking of. They both knew all too well. But Frank somehow didn't care. At least not at that moment.

He turned away as he shrugged his pyjama top over his shoulders and scooped the Morrissey tee from carpet. Behind him he heard a badly repressed gasp.

"Gee?"

Gerard shook his head, avoiding looking at Frank until he was fully changed when the boy forced him to, standing close enough for their hipbones to meet and steering his face directly at his own.

"Gee we a-ll ha-ve our own w-way of de-aling with st-stuff like thi-s. Y-ou'll know wh-en you're re-eady and I'll st-tand by you ev-ery st-ep of the way." He rocked onto his toes to plant a sweet kiss on Gerard's lips before sneakily stealing the eyeliner from his pocket and applying it.



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A brisk five minute walk took the two boys to Bob's store just in time to meet the owner looking for his keys.

"Morning, all - Frankie, you've got your keys right? Open up and I'll give you a raise!" Bob waved his hand absently as he answered his phone, not paying attention to what he was saying, but letting Frank and Gerard in before him.

Once he had disappeared behind the staff only door and the two were again alone, they exchanged a look and excitedly bean to examine the new stock.

They were content for a while to muse of Muse and rage over ridiculous pop groups that barely warranted a mention as music until a customer stole Frank from Gerard and the older watched enviously as the girl flirted, shameless and oblivious to the fact Frank was just not interested.

"Well, thank-you Frank!" She smiled again, letting her copious pink lip gloss catch the light as she deliberately brushed her hand against his thigh on the way to flicking her blonde hair from her eyes.

"You sure do know your stuff, so are the Popsicles your scene too?" She raised a false eyebrow in apparent interest, evidently eager to know she had something in common with him.

Frank repressed a glare.

"H-ell no! I fi-ind them an in-sult to cont-emporary mu-sic!" After hurrying on to describe how they were exactly the type of people ruining the vital core of the music industry he ushered her and her purchase to the door and turned to find Gerard stony faced but hinting amusement.

"Well you sure did a good job of ticking her off." He grinned, snaking his arms around Frank's waist as they watched the woman stumble in her orange stilettos, both laughing a little.

"Wh-at?"

"She was so full of herself flirting with you like that to have you throw it all in her face with your sermon about contemporary music. You rock babe."

Looking confused, Frank stammered - something which was not out of character for him and finally coughed,

"She w-was flirting?!"

"Yeah like there was no tomorrow! Didn't you notice?"

Frank shook his head, bemused.

"And she was kinda pretty too-"

"Gee, sh-e wa-was plastic. & why-y would I no-otice any one el-se when I ha-ve you?"

Gerard flushed pink, looking quickly away to hide his embarrassment and emotion as Frank tried all the harder to see it. Just as the boy placed the last Bob Dylan collection in the folk crate, Gerard looked back.

"Frank, I want you to come back to my house this evening."

"Oh-k-kay."

Taking a deep breath Gerard sought the other's eyes and said with as much authority and self assertion as he could muster,

"I'm gonna tell my family."




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Frank adored Gerard's room. He loved how it was always dark and hazy due to the many incense sticks festering on various surfaces. But mainly he loved the insight he got into Gerard's life from it.

All the drawings and sketches and CD's and clothes and posters and books and comics. Everything that Gerard's held dear was in this room. And he loved reading all the phrases or reminders his boyfriend had scrawled over the notice board beside his desk. His favourite so far had been the one beneath the sticker reading priority: 'Remind Frank you love him.' It always made him grin.

Now, as it neared seven thirty, Frank let his legs swing idly as he sat on Gerard's desk chair, feeling a little dizzy from spinning around on it as he watched the taller pace repeatedly around his bed, bouncing from the springs within the mattress.

"So I'll like - you know, introduce them to you-" He said for the fortieth time, stopping as always at that, not knowing what else to say.

"Like, I'll introduce them to you and explain about when we met as kids and - and I'll introduce them to you . . ." He trailed off, stopping in his tracks and staring with unseeing eyes at the door before glancing at Frank.

"So I'll introduce them to yo-"

"Oh f-or God's SA-KE!" Frank buried his face in his hands, respecting how difficult the other was finding this, but growing just a little weary of the dead-end situation. Gerard's face filled with guilt and he flopped down to sit on his bed, an apologetic expression chewing at Frank's heart strings. Frank sighed.

Gently he crossed the room and wrapped his arms around Gerard's neck, pressing his nose into his cheek before leaving go and borrowing a scrap of paper upon which he began to write.

Once finished he handed it to Gerard and told him it was all he needed to say.




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Donna was buzzing around so obliviously Gerard almost had to shout to make her join Mikey and Donald in the living room that evening. She let her son usher her in, gibbering about what an inconvenience it was and sat snugly between her youngest son and husband.

Gerard stood facing the couch with Frank perched nervously on the chair behind him to his right, peering at the others with bated breath.

"Okay." Gerard whispered to himself, crossing his fingers behind his back, which Frank saw and scowled at.

"Okay, guys . . . um, you're my family and mean more to me than anyone in the world. I love you all and would never do anything to upset or cause you harm or shame and I want you to keep that in mind as I tell you what I am about to. Over the past couple of weeks I've been seriously considering my life and where I want to be, what I want to be doing and who I want to be doing it all with. I - um, I don't think there's any real other way of saying this so I'm - I'm in a relationship and it is fairly serious, I intend to be with this person for a very, very long time. I'm with - Frank." He gestured to the boy behind him, feeling his knees creak as they threatened to give way.

"Well yes we can see you're with Frank, dear, but-"

"I'm gay, Mom. I'm with Frank, he's my boyfriend."

"Oh." Donna fell silent as realisation dawned and her eyes sought the boy nibbling his lip on the chair opposite.

Donald cleared his throat.

"By serious, do you mean intimate or-"

"No, well, not yet. By serious I mean I Love Him. So much." Gerard half turned towards Frank, finding a sudden surge of strength fill him as he caught the smile he was shown.

Mikey had not said anything. He merely sat, watching the small gestures exchanged between his brother and friend feeling nothing but slight annoyance at how cute they were. He couldn't care less if his brother was gay. He just wanted him to be happy enough to stay the hell out of his room. Guessing that it would all be easier for him if he confirmed his acceptance, Mikey sat forward and smiled, genuinely pleased.

"Gee, though it's annoying to admit it, I am really happy for you." He rose and hugged Gerard briefly before holding his hands up in honourable surrender to his parents and leaving the room.

A moment of heightened tension passed in his absence. Gerard felt his stomach knot.

"Okay." Donald said, reclining into his seat and beginning to search for the television remote.

"Huh?"

"I said okay. That's fine, son. I understand Frank and your history and respect your feelings towards each other. We know Frank is a modest, intelligent and respectable young man who is a credit to society and I am relieved it's him you have fallen for and not one of your other friends - he should be a very good influence on you."

"You're really okay with this?"

"Son, I see how happy you've been recently and finally understand why." Donald gave this as his elaborate blessing and began flicking through channels.

Donna however was still staring at Frank.

"Mom?"

She did not redirect her gaze, but 'Mmm'ed vaguely in her son's direction.

"Mom, if you're not comfortable with this we're both willing to talk it through with you."

At this she rose and walked into the kitchen, where Gerard and Frank followed tentatively to watch her put the kettle on.

"Please, take a seat boys, I'm not angry, I swear I just need to take this in."

All three took a seat around the kitchen table, thanking Donna for the tea she now distributed. Silence was the first one to speak. It was screaming.

Frank shifted uncomfortably. Despite the calm solitude of his childhood Frank hated the quiet. Gerard, sensing the other's discomfort fished for something to say, but found his mother beat him to it.

"So you boys are . . . dating? How does it work? Talk me through this," She waved a hand, using the other one to cover her eyes and support her head as though in despair.


"Well, we met in the shop where Frank has a part time management job," adding in every detail to enhance Frank's person. "And after talking about seeing each other around school we moved onto music and arranged to take Mikes to a Misfit's concert, then later on Frank came to m- a sleepover that I was at and we just hung out until we realised our whole Clinic history and decided, as we both feel that way inclined towards each other that we would go out. And we do. So . . . you say how? Well we go to restaurants or the movies or each other's houses and just like spend time together."

"Have you had sex?" She almost cut her son off in her bluntness.

Gerard flushed, seeing Frank do the same and internally cringing for the boy.

"No, mother, we have not had Sex, and if we do we have no real intention of telling our mother's every detail of it." His tone suggested how inappropriate the question was in present company but before Donna could apologise Gerard had ploughed on.

"We have kissed. We do hold hands and hug and make out with each other quite regularly. We do all the normal stuff other couples do like text and spend too long on the phone and I have slept with him in that we've shared a bed and been asleep together, we've done that a few times and to be fairly honest I have no intention of quitting all that stuff just because it isn't conformist." He didn't know why he was so angry.

"Gee-" Frank's soft words took Gerard's attention and he looked at the hand Frankie had placed on his own.

Donna looked hurt.

"Mrs. W-way, I un-derst-tand you ma-y not like me-e and f-ind it hard to-o acc-ept all th-is, but- I l-love your son so-oh much mo-re than I've e-ever l-loved any-one else ever in m-y life." Frank's hand slid from Gerard's to squeeze Donna's fingers and her eyes found his own hazel irises and began to melt in them.

"I p-rom-ise ne-ever to hurt h-im. Pl-ease-" Tear were beginning to well in Frank's eyes as he spoke, watching the mirrored effect in Donna, "Gerard - he's my-my world"

Gerard's heart stopped and he looked up from staring at his knees to find Frank fighting back tears. Meanwhile Donna was trembling.

"Okay. I - I'm sorry to have I don't know, taken it like this but . . . I never in a million years expected Gerard to be where he is today. There were so many times when he was growing up with that horrible disorder that we just thought he wouldn't make it and to find him here, now, all grown up and beautiful . . . to have found someone so intelligent and hard working and down right cute-" As she laughed, both her and Frank's brimful eyes leaked, their smiles just pushing it over the edge.

"I respect you, Frank and I admire you for how happy you've made my son. Please forgive me for being so - stupid. I am more than perfectly happy for you. Come here!"

Gerard didn't register Frank being hugged so tightly bu his mother he almost exploded, or the fact that Donna was now one of his boyfriend's biggest fans. All he knew was that he was Frank's world and no-one was there to stand in the way of them now.


Frank stayed for dinner. Donna was insistent. He helped wash up despite Donna insisting that he didn't and he stayed until very late, watching old re-runs with the Way family, but not really paying attention.

He was just so unbelievably happy that everything was going to be okay.